Another Freaking Adventure with Batman and Bloser
Plot To celebrate their day off from working for Earl Grey, Gerald Butler and some other butlers invade a train full of passengers. Luckily, Batman and Bloser, and a few others, are there to save the day…again. Transcript (Red and Blue’s City) (In a dark alley, Earl Grey is cornered by some men with their guns aimed at him. However, he doesn’t seem scared in the slightest.) Man #1: Alright, sissy! H2O Co. is missing the Hellspawn Elixir, (shows a picture of Darla possessed by Homicidal Darkling) and you’re little witch girl is on the list of suspects! Come on! Talk! Earl Grey: Yyyeah. That is not Darla. That’s some bloody maniac. And trust me, if Darla did have this (makes a quotation hand gesture) “Hellspawn Elixir”, she would at least give me some hints that she has it. Man #1: Oh really?! THEN DID SHE GIVE YOU ANY HINTS?! Earl Grey: I said “if”! So no, she hasn’t, and I doubt she ever will. Man #1: (turns to one of the other men) Hey, you sure this guy is with one of the culprits? He looks like a fucking Joker reject! Earl Grey: Excuse me?! Man #2: I see what you’re saying. (holds up a paper) But look at this wanted poster. What kind of super villain wears a hat? …I sure can’t think of any. (A pair of long arms grab the two men by the neck, and they are both lifted from the ground.) Bangers: (holding the men) Oy, Mash! Check out these pipsqueaks here. Mash: Fish and Chips. Bangers: Shall we tear off their limbs or punch ‘em in the nuts? Mash: Big Ben! (Bangers slams the two onto the ground begins to punch them in their dicks and their faces afterwards.) Man #1: (screams in pain) THIS IS THE WORST…PAIN! Gerald Butler: (walks up to the man, kneels down, and places a few sticks of dynamite in the guy’s mouth before lighting them) You wanna bet? (rushes off-screen towards Earl Grey) (ONE EXPLOSION LATER) Gerald Butler: (sipping his cold beverage) Ahhh, just like the good ol’ times. Earl Grey: (sitting on his throne with a cup of tea) Everything you do results in death, Gerald. Gerald Butler: That’s right, Earl. Everything. (lifts up his sunglasses, revealing his red pupils) Everything. Earl Grey: (shocked) OH GOD! I knew it! You haven’t been using your Clear Eyes. (hands him a small bottle) Here. Take my prescription. Gerald Butler: I just saved your ass, and that’s my reward? Earl Grey: You hardly did anything other than finishing those douche nozzles off. Gerald Butler: So? That’s gotta be worth something more exciting than fucking eye drops. Earl Grey: That’s because I know exactly what you want. Gerald Butler: So can I have it or what? Earl Grey: (thinks for a moment) … (sighs) Fine. You can have the bloody day off tomorrow. Gerald Butler: (runs off) WOO-HOO! (opens a door off-screen) Hey wankers! We’ve got tomorrow off! (Tons of butlers cheer and Earl Grey watches in shock as they all rush out of the mansion.) Earl Grey: What?! NO! I DIDN’T MEAN ALL OF YOU! (Everyone ignores him and only Earl Grey remains in the mansion.) Earl Grey: …YOU KNOW WHAT?! SCREW YOU WANKERS! I’M GOING TO DARLA’S! (storms off) (THE NEXT NIGHT) (Red, Blue, and Pink are seen on a train, sitting in a booth.) Red: (groans in frustration) This is the most boring train I’ve ever been on! Why are we even here?! Pink: (glaring at Blue) I was gonna ask the same thing, Red. Blue: Come on, you guys! I’m only doing this for Charlotte as a friend. And FYI, I’m worried about her mother’s condition just as much as she is. Her mother was a good friend of mine and I just wanted to see how she’s doing. Red: Then why you take us here? (calls out to the train’s bartender) WHAT’S TAKING MY BOOZE SO LONG?! Barkeeper: (off-screen) It’s sitting here on the counter. You have to come over here if you want to get it. Red: Come oooooonnn, Maroon! You’ve taken drinks to people’s tables before! (Camera pans to Maroon as the bartender, with Charlotte sitting over at the counter, reading something on her phone.) Maroon: OH COME ON! When’s the last time you’ve seen a barkeep leave the counter to fucking hand the drinks over?! YOU HAVE LEGS, MAN! Charlotte: Keep your voice down! I’m trying to read! Maroon: (sarcastic) Oooh. Read what? A grammatically incorrect text from your (in a mocking tone of voice) “BFF”? Charlotte: (scoffs) No, dumbass! (shows him her phone’s screen) Hamlet. My friend was telling me about it, (voice raising) and since my high school never taught us any Shakespeare, (normal tone) I thought I’d give it a shot. Maroon: (laughs) “Frailty, thy name is woman.” My favorite quote. Charlotte: Meh. My favorite’s (using a British accent) “Murder most foul, as in the best it is; But this most foul, strange, and unnatural.” Maroon: (surprised) Really? That’s, like, one of my other favorites. Charlotte: Murder most foul… I can’t wait to commit one myself. Maroon: (sits down on a stool; interested) Ooooh. Sounds like we got ourselves a psycho here. Charlotte: Well… (turns off her phone) Alright. Since you’re not a cop today, I suppose you can keep at least one secret. Maroon: Not to worry. I usually forget one’s secret after, like, an hour or somethin’. Charlotte: Well, you see, my mom recently had an eye surgery, so now she’s blind as shit. (points over to Blue’s booth) Since my mom and ex were friends, I decided to ask if he wanted to come along. He of course agreed, but brought along his friend and wife. Just as I expected. Maroon: Let me guess…gonna kill the wife? (Charlotte nods) Maroon: Aaaannd how’re ya gonna do that? Charlotte: … (still smiling) I have no idea. Maroon: (unimpressed) Wow. You are the most unprepared murderer I’ve ever met. Charlotte: Oh really? Have you even fucking met a murderer?! Maroon: A few. I didn’t get to talk to them for long, but I at least saw what they look like. (whispers to her while smirking) One of them had a see-through skiiiirt~. Charlotte: Oh fuck you. (gets up and leaves the cart) (In the hallway, Charlotte is passing by various doors. One of the doors she passes by opens a little, and a few pairs of eyes glow within the dark room.) Charlotte: (groans in frustration) The bathroom better be down here. Mom was right. Always go before leaving ho— (realizes something) Ah shit! I left that damn phone at on the counter. That creep probably has it now. (turns around) Better go get it… (As she heads back, the door slams open and the people inside are revealed to be some of Earl Grey’s minions. They grab Charlotte, drag her in, and close the door shut.) (In another cart, Mindy and her pet pigeons are in a dining booth with a gray woman with a long, thin ponytail, a pink strand of hair hanging over the side of her face, and two pink bandanas wrapped around her neck and left leg.) Mindy: So, how is everyone holding up? Woman: Everyone’s just fine. Dad finally gave his men a week off, so I thought I’d do the same for my boys. They’re probably out getting drunk somewhere. Mindy: (checks her phone) Well, Gary sent me a photo of him, Blair, and Taylor. They seem like they’re having fun, whatever they’re doing. Woman: Cool. Good to know you still keep in touch with your family. Mindy: (nods) Mm-hm. So, Lexi, it seems like you got injured pretty bad from your last fight. Lexi: I’m serious. It’s not that bad. The only thing I’m concerned about is my freaking scarf. (tugs at her “bandana”) This was my favorite scarf, and here I am (showing off her leg) using part of it as a bandage. Whatever you do, DO NOT tell my dad. This scarf costs a lot of cash, and let me tell you, he will be— (hears a grumbling noise and clenches her stomach in pain) Oh God! Mindy: What’s wrong? Lexi: (leaves the booth) ‘Cuse me, Mindy. I gotta shit. (runs off) Mindy: Hmm… (to her pigeons) I knew there was something fishy about her dinner. (The pigeons stare at her for a couple of seconds, then simultaneously facepalm with their wings.) (In the hallway, Lexi rushes into multiple rooms.) Lexi: (off-screen each time she enters a room) Not it! Not it! Not it! (It then shows her entering the dark room from before.) Lexi: (turning on the lights) Not i—! (Shows the inside of the room, where Charlotte is tied up in a corner with a few minions surrounding her.) Charlotte: (muffled from her mouth being taped shut) HELP MEEEE! Lexi: … (not surprised) Aaaahh crap. Sorry if I’m, uhh, interrupting something. I was, uhh, trying to find the bathroom. Heheh… Minion #1: Oh. (points to the left) It’s the very last door to your left. Lexi: Gee thanks. Minion #1: Wait! (points to another butler) You… Make sure she doesn’t run off… Lexi: (whispers) Dammit. (Lexi and the minion make it to the bathroom and only Lexi enters it. Inside, Lexi cheerfully hums a tune while opening the window above the toilet. She then jumps out, leaving the minion behind.) (Back at the dining cart, Lexi leaps back in through a window, startling everyone.) Lexi: Everyone, we have an emergency! There is a group of grey men holding a young woman hostage. There’s a possibility we have a hijacking going on her— (She is interrupted when Gerald Butler kicks open the door behind her. He and a couple other minions enter the cart with pistols.) Gerald Butler: Alright! Nobody move, or everyone’s brains will spill! Man: (off-screen) Does that include the children? Gerald Butler: … (irritated) What part of “everyone” don’t you understand? (Camera cuts to Red, Blue, and Pink’s booth) Blue: Oh crap! It’s Gerald Butler! Red: (deep voice) That Scottish fiend. Pink: (whispers) What do we do? Red: Pfft! I got this! (stands up) Yo, Butler! (The butlers aim their pistols at him.) Red: (staring at the pistols) Uhh… Did you, uhh…know our countries are allies with each other? Gerald Butler: …We don’t care. (The butlers shoot Red down and everyone else in the cart except Blue & Pink starts screaming and running away. The butlers go after them.) Blue: … (unimpressed) That was all you’ve got say? Red: (sits up with his forehead bleeding from the three bullet holes) This author hasn’t written anything for us in a fucking year! What the hell was I supposed to say?! Pink: Never mind that! What do we do now?! Red: Relax, bitch. I’ve got an idea. Pink: It better work this time! Red: (as he and Pink walk off) Sheesh! Don’t blame me for fuckin’ up there. (deep voice) Now, where are those changing rooms? Blue: Wait! What about Charlotte?! (Pink grabs his arm and pulls him off-screen.) (Cuts to the top of one of the carts, where Mindy helps Lexi up while holding her bird cage.) Mindy: What’s going on?! You just grabbed me and threw me up here so suddenly! Lexi: Mindy, we got terrorists here. On my way to the bathroom, I saw a couple of them keeping a woman hostage. Mindy: So that’s why all those people were running through the carts. What should we do?! I didn’t bring any of my equipment with me! Lexi: Leave the hijackers to me. Meanwhile, you try and find that lady I saw. If I remember correctly, she had curly hair and was, like, a sky-blue color. Mindy: Curly hair and sky blue. Got it! (to her pet pigeons) Come on guys. (As Lexi climbs back inside, Mindy runs off, only to be stopped when Batman, Bloser, and the Pink Avenger suddenly jump out onto the carts. The Bloser almost slips in the process.) Batman: Where do you think you’re going?! (Mindy gasps) Pink Avenger: Hold on. I think this person’s innocent. Batman: What?! Pink Avenger: Come on. Look. She’s looks nothing like those butlers. Batman: But look at the cage. She’s got pigeons! Bloser: …So? Batman: You’re the one with the brains! Remember the World Wars?! (close up of his face) Those pigeons could be suicide bombers! Mindy: Oh my God… Are- Are you Batman and Bloser? Bloser: Huh?! Batman: In the flesh. Bloser: Wait. You know us?! Mindy: (nods) Uh-huh. My wife and I have read newspaper articles about you. Batman: “Wife”?! Dammit! Mindy: (turns to the Pink Avenger curiously) And, who are you? Pink Avenger: Umm, I’m the Pink Avenger. Mindy: Wow… (blushes a little) You look cool! Batman: Yeah yeah whatever. We’re done here. Time to kick some buttler ass! Mindy: (as the three run off) W-Wait! (they all stop) If you happen to find a sky blue woman with curly hair, let me know if you do and if she’s safe. She’s being held hostage from what I’ve heard. Bloser: Sky blue? Curly hair?! (freaking out) Oh God, that’s Charlotte! We gotta go find her! Pink Avenger: (grabs him) (irritated) Oh no! You, mister, are going with Batman! (pointing to Mindy) I’ll go with her! Bloser: Oh come on! Honey, I know! Charlotte’s a bitch, yet I still do favors for her every now and then! I know you hate her guts, but please! Crazy as she is, I still consider her a friend, and I’d hate to know if anything bad happened to her! (The Pink Avenger looks away from him, staring into the dark forest as the train continues to speed pass them their silhouettes.) Pink Avenger: …I know. Bloser: (angry) Then why can’t—! Pink Avenger: But I don’t hate her all the time. Bloser: …What? Pink Avenger: I don’t want to make you worry, so you go with Batman, and I’ll go find her. (Bloser stares at her, rather shocked, but smiles warmly after a few seconds.) Bloser: Thanks, honey. Batman: BOOOOOORING! (Batman and Bloser rush back into the train while the Pink Avenger goes back to Mindy.) Pink Avenger: Let’s go. Do you have any idea where this woman could be? Mindy: Well, uhh, I heard from…someone that they found her tied up while they were on their way to the bathroom. Pink Avenger: Perfect. (After they run off, it cuts to Batman and Bloser fighting off butlers.) Bloser: (zapping enemies with each sentence) Your balls are tiny! Your parents have been cheating on each other! You’re gonna die from a laxative overdose! You are the 9/11 of people! Batman: Dude, you are, like, running out of depressing sentences. Bloser: Don’t blame me. Blame the author. (voice rising) She’s the one who left us so she could watch anime and 90s cartoons! (The two suddenly hear gunshots. They look over to see Gerald Butler holding Maroon, who had just died from getting shot a couple of times. Gerald takes out a walkie-talkie, and then it cuts to a storage room, where three butlers are listening to his voice on the other walkie-talkie while Charlotte, still tied up, is sitting behind them.) Gerald Butler: Batfuck and Sir Depresso are here after all. Gonna need some backup. Butler #1: (turns walkie-talkie off) I hate it when people say something into walkie-talkies and don’t say “over” at the end. Butler #2: Whatever. (picks up a mechanic device) We better get this bomb ready. (They all leave Charlotte behind in the room. The hallway’s lights had gone out, putting the butlers in darkness.) Butler #1: Better get this ready too. (activates the bomb) Once we toss this at those two “heroes”, it’ll be too late. (As they head in one direction, in the shadows, the Pink Avenger and Mindy tiptoe behind them. They punch the middle butler in the back of his head, knocking him out, and then they grab the other two. Pink Avenger slams one of them against the wall and drops him, leaving a hole and blood on the wall, while Mindy simply breaks the other one’s neck.) Mindy: So, uhh, you and the Bloser… Are you two, uhh… Pink Avenger: Partners. Mindy: Hm? You mean, like, the “married” kind of partners, right? Pink Avenger: …You’re smart. That, or you have been listening to our talk a while back. Mindy: Both. (blushing) That’s amazing. Not only are you super cool looking, but you’re married to a brave hero. Pink Avenger: …You really think he’s— (scoffs) Never mind! (The bomb, which had been dropped to the floor, suddenly explodes, destroying the hall way. Luckily, Pink Avenger and Mindy have already entered the room Charlotte was in. Half of the room had been blown away, leaving the three girls stranded on the other side.) Mindy: Here she is! (Charlotte, still with the muffle around her mouth, screams with her face stained with dried up tears.) Pink Avenger: Hey you! We’re here to rescue you. (Charlotte’s eyes start to brighten up as Pink Avenger removes the muffle.) Charlotte: Y-Y-You-’ve got t-to get m-me ou-ut… I-I-I have to f-find— Pink Avenger: (gently puts her hands on Charlotte’s shoulders) It’s okay. (smiles warmly) You’re safe now… (hugs Charlotte with no hesitation) Charlotte: Wh… Why would you e-even bother…? (The floor starts to creak and lower itself, startling the girls. The Pink Avenger gets up quickly, but before she could grab Charlotte, the floor beneath Charlotte breaks and pulls her under the train. A cracking sound is heard as Pink Avenger and Mindy stare at the broken floor in shock.) (Meanwhile, in the dining cart, Bloser continues zapping other butlers away while Batman and Gerald fight using their fists and feet.) Batman: (punches Gerald in the face) Want some fruit punch with your meal?! Gerald Butler: (grabs Batman’s arm and flips him over) Cut that shit out! It’s already a pain in the arse just having to hear my bitch throws puns during his fights. Batman: Oh I’m sorry. (grabs Gerald’s leg) You wanna wine instead? (Then he flips Gerald, tossing him out the window below him. One of the other butlers sees this.) Butler #4: Oh shit! (calls out to the others fighting Bloser, stopping them) Everybody! Boss #2 has been thrown out! (as the rest of the butlers start to panic) I repeat! Boss #2 has been thrown out! (Not sure what to do now, all of the other butlers jump out of different windows until only Batman and Bloser are left.) Bloser: So…did we win? Batman: Hell if I know! (The two look out the window, and in the distance, they see Lexi, armed with pistols. Around her is a pool of blood and corpses of butlers. At her feet is Gerald Butler’s head. When she sees the two, she smiles while she waves. Batman and Bloser get creeped out and run off, bumping into the Pink Avenger and Mindy.) Pink Avenger: How did it go?! Are you guys alright?! Bloser: Uhh…yes? Mindy: (gets in-between Bloser and Pink Avenger) Sir, I’m sorry, but I have some sad news to give you. Bloser: What is it? (Cuts to Charlotte’s Mom’s where Blue and Pink are arguing while Charlotte’s Mom cries in the living room off-screen.) Blue: HOW COULD YOU HAVE LOST HER?! WHY COULDN’T YOU GRAB HER?! Pink: I WAS ABOUT TO! I just… (hangs her head in shame) wasn’t quick enough… Blue: (calms down a little) Okay! Okay. Everything will be fine! Maybe she’ll be fine! I mean, you— didn’t see any blood or anything, did you? Pink: I heard a gross cracking noise! (They stop for a moment to realize Charlotte’s Mom was no longer crying…but moaning.) Red: (off-screen) Sympathy sex. Yeah… Blue & Pink: REEE— (Episode Ends) Trivia *This is Lexi's (Mindy's friend) debut episode. **Once again, Mindy's brothers are mentioned, and it seems like there are more members of the mafia than just those three and Lexi. *As of now, it's unknown if Charlotte is permanently dead or not. Poll What do you think about this episode? Bad (1/5) Not impressive (2/5) Ok (3/5) Cool (4/5) AWESOME! (5/5) Category:Episodes